Sensational is a good butt fucking, but good resources on fucking butts these days seem to be lacking. A minefield of misinformation awaits any soul brave enough to navigate the ins and outs of internet anal culture. Whether it’s your first time or something you want to improve your skills in, everybody has something new to learn about the science of butt sex. Problem is, locating a good anal sex guide is comparable to uncovering a sex shop worker who refuses to recommend cheap, toxic, jelly dildos. It’s not impossible, just irritatingly more difficult than it fucking should be.
So, how does one properly fuck an ass anyhow? There are many correct ways, but the basics for safe, pleasurable, pain-free anal sex are pretty universal. Step one: Start when you are already turned on. Many people begin the process of exploring anal stimulation feeling tense or scared. Waiting to begin the process until we are aroused can allow us to really focus on all the lovely sensations that come with anal stimulation. There are two primary muscle rings controlling whether the anus is open or closed at any given moment. The external sphincter is the part of the body you can consciously control. Pushing gently, while counter intuitive, can actually make insertion significantly easier. By using the power of “bearing down” to open the external sphincter you have some ability to make the process of insertion easier.
On the other hand, the internal sphincter is controlled by the autonomic nervous system and will only open up willingly when the entire body is relaxed. Therefore, taking the time to physically loosen up is equally as important as being mentally prepared when it comes to anal sex especially. Light exercise or yoga, taking a warm shower, or receiving a massage can all help prepare the body. Put on some of your favorite pornography. Massage the opening of the anus with a finger or favorite anal-safe vibrator. Grab a partner and an oral dam and go to town with some anallingus. Anal play does not have to involve penetration to be enjoyable, but it is always a good idea to work your way up slowly if that is your goal.
In much the same way we stretch any other body part, we have to be patient and take our time. Be gentle. Do not start with anything bigger than you realistically think you could handle. That being said, going from zero to penis is probably a bad idea. Please, for fucks sake, use something actually made for the ass. A smooth, silicone, dildo with a size less than 1 inch in diameter works beautifully. Dangerous Lilly wrote a great guide on choosing anal sex toys for beginners. I definitely recommend checking it out. My first experience with anal play was using the Ripple Large by Tantus. This toy allowed me to stretch slowly, at my own pace, as I got more comfortable without having to buy several different sized toys.
Then begins the actual process of insertion. Lubricate the opening of the anus and body part or toy you plan on using. Press gently into the asshole. If you feel like you are hitting a wall of muscle on the way in, do not try to force your way through it; that is the internal sphincter. You won’t be able to comfortably open it based on will power alone. Go back to the arousal drawing boards and try again later. Once all the way inside, and the butt is relaxed and comfortable with having something stretching it open, you can move on to motion. If you are fingering the butt try wiggling your finger(s) around, or tapping gently. If you’re using anal beads try inserting one more bead. Whatever you are using, thrust slowly… but maybe not too slowly? Some people actually find slow thrusting can create more friction than is desirable.
A good personal lubricant can mean the difference between an orgasmic fun fest and disaster when it comes to anal sex. Friction can cause irritation, or even painful tears in the sensitive anal tissue. I like JO Premium Silicone Anal Lube because it is exceptionally long lasting, it applies thick, and it does not contain any fishy ingredients. If you prefer a water based lube I have heard great things about Sliquid Sassy which is also thick and luxurious- perfect for butts. Sliquid Silver is another of my favorite silicone lubes; it has done me good on several an occasion, and will keep your butt hole slick well into the midnight hour. Oil-based lubricants are long-lasting, but not to be used with latex condoms as these lubes can disrupt structural integrity and lead to breaks.
I personally avoid lube containing Glycerol aka Glycerin(e) or Polyethylene Glycol; two common ingredients used in lube to keep things slippery. Glycerin suppositories are common OTC laxatives. They work by causing the intestines to retain more water, which softens the stool. The colon muscles then contract and produce bowel movements more quickly. Polyethylene Glycol (better known as Miralax) does similar things in the body. Will using a lube made with these components give you the screaming shits? Not necessarily. The amount used in product formulations is typically so small it will not make a difference for many people. Though, in my own experience, lubes containing these compounds consistently cause uncomfortable abdominal cramping. It’s enough to turn me off from recommending them.
Know thine safety! Using protection and practicing safer sex is important when having any type of sex, and perhaps especially important when it comes to the butt. Condoms, gloves, and dental dams can reduce the risk of transmitting infections among partners and help clean-up go much smoother after having anal sex. Always remember to use a new condom or glove when switching from fucking a butt to fucking a vagina. Bacteria from the human GI system can cause infection when it gets into the vag or urethra from the anus. While it is not possible to get pregnant from having anal sex specifically, pregnancy can occur if semen gets inside the vagina or on the vulva during changes in position, removing a condom, etc.
Another note on preventing tragedy: Please, please, please do not use Anal Eaze or other numbing lubricants / creams. It is normal to be afraid of pain and want to avoid it, but discomfort is the way your body warns you when something is going wrong. If you are unable to identify when something is harming you physically, then serious injury can occur. Listen to your body, and listen to your partner(s). If something feels wrong, uncomfortable, or hurts in a bad way STOP; try something else or take a break. Anal sex is not supposed to hurt, and it won’t hurt when it’s done correctly. Don’t feel bad if you can’t make it work every time. Be patient! It is also okay if anal turns out to be something you don’t particularly enjoy or don’t want to do.
Healthy negotiation is important in any relationship, and it’s totally possible to open someone’s eyes to something they never knew they were into. That being said, I have noticed many anal sex guides focus on the topic of how to “convince” a partner to get into anal sex, so this topic in particular attracts people with an agenda to push their partners into trying something when they clearly don’t want to. This should be obvious, but nobody owes you any kind of sex. Sexual coercion is illegal. Making somebody else feel obligated to participate in sexual activity boarders the edge of sexual assault and could land you in jail. Boundaries are important. Consent is essential. Not that into it? Never feel bad for saying no.
Advocating for yourself and being able to share your needs is extremely important when trying anal play with a partner. If you are on the receiving end you need to have a plan for if things go wrong. Do you have a quick signal in place to let your partner know when you need them to stop or slow down? My partner(s) and I use various safe words to mean different things. Because we discuss their meanings in advance, we know better how to navigate potential situations. If you are not confident in your ability to be candid with your partner about your feelings, you should probably not be having sex with them.
If you are on the giving end, it is your responsibility to make sure the receiver is comfortable with what you are doing before you do it! One excellent way to accomplish that is to ask a lot of questions. “Does this feel okay?” “Do you want me to go faster?” “Are you still enjoying this?” Be prepared to change plans quickly if they aren’t feeling it. Sometimes this means being willing to abandon having sex with the ass of said person altogether. Don’t stress. There are plenty of other pleasurable things you can do together. Perhaps consider switching roles and asking if they would be down to fuck your ass instead. The possibilities are endless.