Welcome to my FAQ page. This is where I will be answering your most commonly asked questions. My hope is to give people the freedom and confidence to share their curiosities and concerns without feeling pressured, insecure, or invalidated. No real names will be used in my posts. I answer all questions in their own silly or seriousness.
So please, feel free to ask a fucking question.
Q: What does “sex positive” mean to you?
A: I believe that being sex positive means promoting a happy, healthy sex life (or asexual life) for every type of person. It means being open-minded, and always willing to learn new things in the pursuit of better sexual education. It means believing in equality and presenting sex in a way that is inclusive to everyone. Sex positive people really push the boundaries of sexual discussion in society and work hard to bust taboos, myths, and sex-shaming behaviors. One of the most important things about being sex-positive is in helping each individual learn to love themselves and reach their desired sexual outcome in a healthy way. Most of all, it is the acceptance of sex as a normal part of life and embracing it as such.
Q: What is a Pantophile?
A: Pantophile is a word derived from the Greek prefix “Pan.” Similar to it’s appearance in the word pansexual, the prefix in pantophile refers to everyone or all. From my perspective, you can look at this word in one of two ways; it can mean “lover of all” or the more interesting in my opinion “to be aroused by everything.”
Q: Why Pantophile Panic?
A: If you understand the meaning of the word pantophile, you’ll find that my name is a play on words describing both my loving, sex positive outlook on life and my unfortunate health problems. I have a rare condition called Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder; and although that does not literally mean that I am aroused by everything, I do have a near-constant clitoral erection. I find that life is boring if you can’t learn to make fun of yourself or your awkward lady boner. As for the latter half of my name, I have PTSD and extreme hyper-arousal (get it?) which has my loved ones constantly telling me not to panic.
Q: What is Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder?
A: PGAD is a very rare neurological disorder found in only a small handful of women. It is a subset of a larger and more common group of disorders that are categorized as Chronic Pelvic Pain. Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder causes women to experience spontaneous, persistent, uncontrollable arousal of the genitals. This is very painful. This can be accompanied by swelling of the genitals and or spontaneous orgasm. Little research has been done to discover the exact cause of this disorder, though it is believed that a malfunctioning of the nerves is to blame. The Institute for Women in Pain offers a great article by Dr. Echenberg in which he answers some of the most common questions about PGAD here.
Q: What is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder?
A: PMDD is similar to PMS, but the disorder is less common and the symptoms are more severe. This government website gives a brief overview of the symptoms of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. My cycle specifically is extremely irregular. I can bleed anywhere between a few days to a few months at a time. There is no way to predict when I will have my period, either. It may arrive once a month, three times a month, or three times a year. The time I spend on my period is miserable. I become severely depressed, angry, and the symptoms of both my PGAD and PTSD are elevated. The cramping and muscle pain I experience is debilitating. There have been times where I was unable to eat, sleep, work, or even stand for more than a few minutes at a time as a result of my PMDD. I have also been hospitalized on multiple occasions because of the unbearable symptoms. I really wish someone would just remove my uterus already.
Q: What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? (TRIGGER WARNING)
A: PTSD is a long-term anxiety disorder that is caused after a person experiences or witnesses something traumatic such as domestic violence, childhood violence or neglect, molestation, mental abuse, religious abuse, verbal abuse, death or serious illness of a loved one, war or combat, car accidents or plane crashes, natural disasters, other violent crimes such as robbery or shooting, kidnapping, and most commonly rape. It causes the person to relive the traumatic event(s) in the form of flashbacks or recurring nightmares. There are several other related symptoms such as dissociation, depression, anxiety, irritability, hyper-arousal, hyper-vigilance, varying levels of inability to speak, intrusive memories of the event, inability to remember important aspects of the trauma, etc. This government website gives a brief description of PTSD and some of its symptoms here. In some cases, PTSD may be considered a full-fledged disability because the symptoms can impair a person’s basic ability to function.
Q: What type of PTSD do you have? (TRIGGER WARNING)
A: I was diagnosed with Rape Related PTSD. However, my post traumatic stress is not limited to rape, as it also includes childhood abuse, molestation, domestic violence, car accidents, and witnessing violence enacted upon animals. My life has not always been butterflies and dildos, but I take pride in how far I have come. This blog has actually played a huge role in my recovery. This is me taking back my humanity from the people who hurt me. I am not afraid to be a happy, healthy individual. My body belongs to me. My sexuality is mine to keep.
Q: Why do some people use trigger warnings? What do they mean? ***TW***
A: Trigger warnings are an important part of basic internet (and even real time) courtesy. They signify something that may be emotionally devastating for some people or could potentially cause flashbacks for those with PTSD. When we use a TW, we acknowledge that not everyone is automatically in the right head space to process some types of information or encountering them unaware. These are important to use when talking about abuse, sexual violence, molestation, torture, rape, suicide, self-harm, body shaming, eating disorders, violence, kidnapping, etc. I use them especially when I talk about rape, because I know that it could be triggering for others if they were not mentally prepared for it. I really wish media, books, and movies would use these types of warnings. If they did, I would have had a much more pleasant experience watching “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”
Q: Do you like doughnuts?
A: Yes. A box of glazed donuts will earn you five purple pony points (house rules.)
Q: How many pugs do you own?
A: Unfortunately, I only have one pet and he is of the feline variety. I think pugs are adorable. However, I have cynophobia so severe that owning a dog is not in my plans for the foreseeable future. I love dogs, but being near them (or hearing them bark) is an instant trigger for flashbacks.
Q: If you had the opportunity to hug a rhinoceros, would you?
A: Only if there was some sort of guarantee that I would be unharmed. I love all animals, but I am terribly afraid of most of them.
Q: What is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything?
Q: Do you consider yourself a kinky person?
A: That is a hard question. I do not consider myself a vanilla person. I like sex toys, dirty talk, and anal sex. I consider myself a switch and I like to do a lot of things that other people would consider unusual. Do I consider myself a kinky person? Maybe. Probably.
Q: What kinks are you into?
A: Some of the kinks that interest me include: spanking, bondage, nekomimi, tentacles, creampies, light choking, wax play, ice play, voyeurism, exhibitionism, slave training, enema play, light humiliation, rimming, sex robots, breast play/torture, medical scenes, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, squirting, blind folds, pseudo-resistance, sexual exhaustion, gagging, impact play, rope suspension, slaves as furniture, pegging, consensual sex while sleeping, orgasm denial, uncut cocks, face fucking, deep anal penetration, caging, leash and collar, light spanking of the clitoris, being someone’s pet, and multiple penetration.
Q: What are your soft limits?
A: A soft limit is something we may be okay with doing sexually but only under very specific circumstances or conditions. A few of my soft limits include: breaking the skin, being video recorded, facials, being fisted, figging, public humiliation, electrostimulation, sex in public, and tickling.
Q: What are your hard limits?
A: A hard limit is something that is strictly prohibited or may not be exceeded after a certain point. This is basically a line that should never be crossed. My hard limits include (but are not limited to:) incest, scat play, immobilization, abusive assholes, possessive partners, anal insertion without lube, or anything that is triggering or fucks with my PTSD. Just NO.
What did you think FAQ stood for?