Thrustmaster 3000

Hey dildo warriors! Panty here with another sexalitious review for you all today. I am super excited about this one because today we are reviewing a sex toy that is really unique compared to all the hundreds of toys I have tried so far. I got the recommendation from my boyfriend (who knew men could be so in touch with their sexual selves lol.) So even though it was $401 I knew it was a good investment.

So let’s get right down to it! How could you resist something called the Thrustmaster 3000? Well, you might think this is like a fucking machine right? But I honestly was not expecting this thing to be so clunky and large! Like, it seemed like it was meant to sit on a desk rather than be used in the bedroom. The base of it was really heavy, so it was definitely a case where you need to ride it rather than thrust with your hands.

photo 2-5censoredThis toy is USB rechargeable, but mine only seems to function when it is actually plugged into the computer. I emailed the company who makes these toys and asked them if I got a defective product, but have not yet received an email in return. So, assuming that mine is just broken this could be a great feature for people who like advanced technology or who value their precious wall outlets.

The Thrustmaster 3000 has 16 “Action Buttons”!!!!! and is super confusing to use. I threw out the manual (because let’s be honest, who reads the manual these days?) so I have literally no way of figuring out how to work this thing. I am still unsure of whether this toy is best suited for internal or external use, but because of the large flared base and curved head I am lead to believe that this was designed primarily as a prostate stimulator. No wonder my boyfriend was all over this shiz! I tried using it against my g-spot and decided this was a bad idea because it was really hard and actually hurt my pubic bone.

Unfortunately this toy has a lot of nooks and crannies in the plastic (and is apparently not even splash-proof according to the box, ugh!) So I decided to covered it with a condom before using it anally to help with the clean up. Thank goodness I did that! While I was riding the toy the electrical wires sort of made a big scary spark and the thing started to smoke! I am certain at the point that I would have been electrocuted if it were not for the rubber condom protecting me!!!

So, how could anybody enjoy such a dangerous sex toy? Well, to be honest I just like living on the edge. And here’s the really weird part. Once I unplugged the Thrustmaster 3000 and let it cool down for a bit I had the BEST most intense orgasm I have ever had in my life. It had just the right combination of texture, hands free stimulation, and girth to make me really cum like no man ever could. <3 <3 <3 (Listen up ladies.)

My sex friend (lol boyfriend) really thought I looked hot while using this toy. He was even touching his you-know-what while he watched me use it!!!! Soooo naughty. Sorry for the TMI, but really this is great if you want to spice up your sex life and try something really kinky and new. Every person with genitals is going to want to have sex with you once you start using this baby!! If you are anything like me then you will be so orgasmed out by the end of your session with the Thrustmaster you will never need to use another sex toy or have real human sex ever again!!!!

Pro tips! To get the most out of your Thrustmaster I highly recommend you:

  1. Spray the toy with your favorite perfume before using it. This will help avoid the electrical smell that it naturally comes with. Also, it can make your butt smell like flowers for the next time you have a man come over. If you know what I mean. ;)
  2. Use a condom to avoid all that nasty clean up. Seriously, this thing was 100 times harder to clean than the Plunge Paddle.
  3. Unplug it before using it. If your toy is defective like mine and only works when it is charging then you may not get to use all the cool features, but TRUST me you do not want to get a nasty shock!

Would I recommend this toy? While I do think people with prostates may get more excitement from this baby I think everyone can enjoy the Thrustmaster 3000 with enough time and patience. You really need to take the time to look back and understand what you are dealing with here before you make a decision. It is kind of like getting married. $401 may seem like a lot of money to spend on a sex toy, but once you buy it then it is yours forever and you will never need anything or anybody else. It’s also great for beginners!

You can buy the Thrustmaster 3000 from your local specialty shop or even from a garage sale if you get really lucky! I have a friend who got one for only $50 on Ebay, so remain ever hopeful my friends!

Oh and one other thing…

 APRIL FOOLS!!!

 

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